June 23, 2003
just like PORN
So for those of you who don't know, I am moooo-hooo-ving and I am so jazzed. The place is about a mile away from where I currently reside and is about a hundred times nicer.
In my search for the perfect place one of the items on my list was to find a place where I could have a puppy. So now that I have a place and my move date is around the corner I am sort of looking for a puppy (hence my devastation with the Puppy Spam incident). Rhett and I have toyed with the idea of him getting a puppy, a German Shepherd, and me being the foster mommy until he figures out where he's going to end up. That sounds like a very exciting proposition. That way I could share the responsibilities of a dog and there are big responsibilities. To this end he sent me this website so that I could search to my heart's content for the right little bundle of wonder.
I have just spent the last hour going from dog to dog and I want to adopt all of them. They are so cute. With each click of a picture I get so exited and passionate about the prospect of puppy ownership. I feverishly click back to look at the next picture and with every download I exclaim to an empty room and a web picture of a puppy, "You are sooo cute. I want to take you home." And then it occurs to me....
Is this the equivalent of porn to a not-in-her-early-twenties single girl? I get so excited and could literally look at this stuff for hours dreaming of the day one of these cute canines would someday be mine. Is that what guys do at the BadaBing? Instead of cooing over puppies, their vice is big breasted nubile, pseudo-senile women who look like girls or girls who look like women. Men are from Mars and all that.
I wonder if there is a market for websites of this kind of porn for the Not in Her Early Twenties Single Girl. $5.95 a month and you could see cute little puppies playing in a yard. Or to take it a step further, footage and pictures of babies eating lemons (so cute) and toddlers playing in adult shoes. That's gotta be worth $5.95 right? And for an extra dollar you can hear said baby say, "mama".
Hmmmm....I might really be on to something here.
June 18, 2003
I am so disgusted at the cruel joke to which I have fallen prey. I emailed that person in the email. Rhett's friend emailed him. Ah me! Spam sucks!!
That does it! He is definitely getting the German Shepherd that I can foster mommy now!!!
June 16, 2003
These little beauties were found by a friend of Rhett's near a dumpster. I wanted one so badly that I decided to redouble my efforts to find a pet-friendly apartment. I even emailed the girl who took them in. Alas, I think I was too late. The lady never emailed me back. I am hoping they all found good homes.
I want a puppy!!!!
June 12, 2003
A few weeks ago I did a little something on a lark. Meow Mix had auditions for Meow TV on 42nd and 6th Ave in NYC and I went with a song in my heart and a cat on my mind. Meow TV is television for cats. Meow Mix is hosting this feline extravaganza on the Oxygen Network sometime in the not-too-distant-future. Silly, maybe. But what I thought was just a little something to do on a rainy Saturday turned out to be a lot of fun.
The night before on the train to Port Authority I was thinking about whether or not I would do it. I had thought about doing a rendition of Trout Fishing In America's, "The Cat Came Back" but that seemed too trite, too obvious. It didn't inspire me. So on the 3 train from Brooklyn to Port Authority I was trying to decompress and forget about the trials and tribulations of Small Business Owner America and suddenly it hit me; the first lyric to the Ode I would write to my favorite cat, Cosmo's Moon. I wrote a little ditty for my kitty back in Houston. Once I had the first line the rest was easy and I began to giggle on the subway.
The next day I typed up my little song, to be sung in the melody of Cole Porter's "Friendship", and I still wasn't sure if I would go.
A wild hair began to grow and before I knew it I was signing up for my spot, #182. What a blast it turned out to be. I was a little nervous and a lot wet and all I could think was this was in honor of my pet.
I did my thing and it was really a good time. As soon as I got off stage this lovely lady from a very well known magazine interviewed me and asked for the lyrics to my song. The really cool thing about that was that I got to plug Tex in the City. How cool would it be to have our company in People Magazine.
In the end, I made the finals of the New York auditions and I am now on the website to be voted for. The competition is stiff. A coupla kids, a cop, another guy and me. Audiences love cops and kids. And while I may be cute and clever, I'm not near as brave as a cop or as cute and cuddly as a kid. I think I am in trouble on that score. So bloggers, friends, family everywhere! Log onto MeowTV and vote for me, #182. You should get to see a snippet of my song. For your convenience and my vanity, I am posting a copy of the lyrics to "Friendship: An Ode to Cosmo" in the extended entry portion of this entry.
Ah me. I am so nervous that I looked nervous, stupid, fat, or worst of all, those three things combined. I know I looked silly, but I am used to that.
"Friendship; An Ode to Cosmo" for MeowTV Auditions
If you ever need a scratch
Iím your match
If youíre ever up a tree
Call on me
If you ever catch a mouse and I scream out loud
It means Iím proud
Just a perfect blendship
When other friendships have gone demure
Ours still really purrs
Lotta, lotta, lotta chug -meow
If you ever hear a growl
If you ever need your fix
I Ďve got your 'Mix
If you ever need a fresh litter box to pee
Count on me
What a perfect blendship
When other friendships are just benign
Ours is still Feline!
A lotta, lotta, lotta, chug -Meow
If you ever cough a ball
Give a call
If you ever want a swing
Iíve got your string
If you ever just wanna lie down and take a nap
Iím your lap!
What a perfect blendship
When other friendships are on the mat
Ours can really scat
Lotta, lotta, lotta, chug -meow
Lotta, lotta, lotta, chug -meow
Lotta, lotta, lotta, lotta, lotta, chug, chug; Meow!!!
June 01, 2003
Inner Circle; Member of the Wedding
While at the Houston graduations I got to hang out with some of my favorite relatives who aren't relatives at all. My Uncle John has a really great family who seem to be able to walk that line between being fun and jovial, witty and boistrous without being racous and seeming overly bold as our family can sometimes be. They are pretty fun but they also maintain an aire of grace that has always eluded me. Uncle John's neice is getting married this summer and everyone is excited. During the weekend it became clear that some members of the Karl clan were invited while others were not.
This seemed like a given to me. Our family is huge. I'm not even sure I would invite us all, were I getting married. (just kidding. Mom, family, you will all get invites..although NOT anytime soon.) Maybe I would have felt differently if I lived in the state... I don't know though. It doesn't really matter I guess. I was honestly excited to hear about the nuptuals without feeling left out. And I was a little surprised when some members of the fam made mention of it. I knew they were joking, but "truth cometh out in jest".
Apparently the recognition of the Clan did not go unnoticed by the In-law in-laws. At the graduation party, the mother of the bride announced that all were welcome to celebrate. I felt a little bad that it had come to this but then again, score for the "overly bold".
Then when I got home from the Memorial Day trip there it was in all it's glory. Nestled between bills, a magazine and another damn offer to use credit card checks was my beautiful pristine formal ivory-colored invitation postmarked before the Memorial Day holiday!!! I made the short list!!! Okay, I still can't go. But I have to say, I am feeling pretty groovy about being a member of the inner circle. I'm one of the "in crowd". I sit at the "cool kids table"! I rock! Yeah, I'm all that.
Uh-oh. I am just remembering that Karmic curse.....
Dude, They Got a Dell
Memorial Day weekend I visited Houston, Texas for a number of reasons.
1) Take part in the festivities celebrating my cousins' graduations.
2) Hang out with the fam in weather that not only wasn't rainy and cold, but was warm, beautiful and sunny.
3) See my Aunt Margaret's photography show in her office building's gallery in Downtown Houston.
I had a great time. And I learned alot of things:
1) It is much better to be born later in a family's life span than earlier. It is also much better to have a large extended family when getting presents during big milestone moments. The family is doing pretty well, I must say. My aunts, uncles, sibs, adult cousins and I were able to get each of the graduates Dell Laptop computers. All I got was luggage when I graduated. :-(.
(Just kidding mom, I loved the luggage. It's been to a number of countries in 3 continents and is still in active duty.)
2) If I can last through this Northeastern winter that refuses to end, I am a real New Yorker. I love the sun and I miss it. Seeing it through smog and haze of one of the worst polluted cities in the country that Memorial Day Weekend was better than being wet and cold another weekend in the Northeast.
3) My aunt is a gifted photographer and I can't wait to sell her stuff on Provenance.
Provenance, LLC is off to a good start by the way. This trip counted as a business trip as I met with one artist and picked up another. Karmically, we are flying first class. Literally. I managed to somehow end up with First Class Positive Space on both legs of the journey. I rue the day I am forced to sit with the commonahs in those teeny little seats. I wonder is Gordon Bethune married? Happily?
4) My cousin Kat is the most surprisingly philosophical and deep person I know. Her poetry attached to some of my aunt's photographs were so perfectly unique and honest. There are deeper waters in that girl. I hope something wonderful finds those waters and inspires a passion for something noble.
5) My Uncle Gerry can make any meat scrumptious with an hour to prep, some marinade fixins and an outdoor grill.
6) Catholicism in a particular Houston Private Academy is synonymous with Conservative Republican Caucus and it doesn't matter what sacrament one attains, one can still be an idiot.
7) I will never be comfortable with someone in Texas explaining any part of 9-11 to me.
8) No matter how frustrated I am with the Catholic Church, I will always be offended that museums sell "Papal Super Shooters." I will also touch the bronzed hand of a Pope and pray.
9) I am absolutely the black sheep of the family.
10) I don't think I would honestly have them or me any other way.
Blank blank Diet
So now that the Big Fat Gay Wedding is over so is the Big Fat Gay Wedding Diet. I managed to lose a little weight to accomodate the racy red dress but I'm not done. So I'm left with needing a new name for my diet. So far the only thing I can come up with is the Boston Butt Diet. I thought about doing Boston on July 4th and a bathing suit may be involved. Hence getting my Butt ready for Boston.
But I might not actually go to Boston and where would that leave me. So I am up for suggestions. Name my current diet. Come on, I dare ya.
No pressure, but I have a kick ass skirt set just waiting to be taken out of retirement.
BIG Fat Gay Wedding -WOW
Well, I finally got to go to the Big Fat Gay Wedding. It was everything a Big Fat Gay Wedding should be, I tell ya. My friends Jim and Andre did such a lovely job. Just into the wedding, Jim and Andre each welcomed their guests. Jim said while planning this event, he came to think of it less as a "commitment ceremony" and more as a "Commitment Concert". He couldn't have been more right. It's good to have a stable of broadway performers and other musicians as friends. The music was exquisitely planned and just as adequately carried out.
If I do say so myself, the wedding party looked amazing, each in our signature rainbow hue. The red dress did everything it was supposed to do and more. That dress is definitely a keeper. I am already searching for my next excuse to wear it, or rather be seen in it. Do you think a floor length, spaghetti strap, fire engine red, Bob Mackie number is too much for Bookkeeping? Or after work cocktails at the local pub? It's a little low cut, lower than I usually wear. While at first I was worried about showing too much of my business, I soon discovered the dress fit me so well in that area that I could move and shake my groove thing any which way and not worry about getting cited by the Pocono Police for indecent exposure. Please! PUHLEASE! Someone take me to the Tony's.
The reception was probably one of the best parties at a wedding at which I've ever been. We walked into the ballroom to find a Mardi Gras/ Carnival paradise. Jim, a professional marketing man, spared no detail for the union. There was a stage light reflected on the ceiling with the JA Merrilat/ Correia logo in purple. That's right, Jim and Andre had a logo for the wedding. Talk about branding. I suppose you could call it their family crest. As if that weren't enough, there was another logo on the wall done in hundreds of tiny purple lights and silver backing. There were little nets full of m&m's tied with Merrillat/Correia ribbons and business cards in all colors of the rainbow with the logo on one side and pithy prose on the subject of marriage on the other. The cake was 7 layers atop each other like presents getting smaller and smaller to the top. Each layer had a different flavored cake. The spice was my fave but most people went for the orange. I knew I was in for a good time when I slipped out to my room to put on my more comfy shoes and get Jim's camera. I came back and the entire Reception, including some of the waiters, were doing a conga in and out of the ballroom. A number of Brazillian and Disco tunes and a few drag shows by straight men later my supposition proved currect
I actually felt sorry for the straight people getting married after Jim and Andre. They had to have a boring straight convential ceremony with a sit down dinner reception. Bleh! And the bridesmaids wore taupe! Taupe! Four blond girls in drab draperies with a big-Ass bow to cover their asses. Some brides can be so mean!! We chatted with some of the guests of the straight wedding at the after-after party in the hotel bar. A couple of the guys even bought me a shot, the "red-headed slut", after we chatted. And they had girlfriends too. Heh, heh. It's a good thing I'm not really a wanton woman. Did they see my dress at the wedding? That dress is definitely a keeper.
The next day we lounged at John and Ben's pool and hot tub. The weather was the first beautiful-days weekend we'd seen in weeks. The party was winding down.
We all knew we had been part of something special, from guests, to waiters, readers and singers, to the happy couple and their wedding attendants. The whole weekend was a union. I left feeling like I had shared something special; a union among friends and strangers in celebration of a greater aspiration of Love and Commitment. That's the sign of a good party: when your friends who are strangers leave as friends.
Jim and Andre, just like all alternative couples these days, had to celebrate their union outside of the established and conventional rituals. Because of this ostracism, their union became so unique and so significant of who they are as a couple and as individuals. If you are planning a wedding, ask me about the rose ceremony they created. Their ceremony wasn't rote. It was written...just for them...just for each other. Just for all of us, their guests, who were so honored to be a witness. Each moment was a testimony to their love, their decision, and their union.
And nobody can say God has a problem with same sex unions As far as I'm concerned this union was blessed. Butterflies in a box, thought to be lackadaisical, were actually just waiting for the perfect moment to fly away in celebration of the union. A weekend that was forecast for gloom and rain could have put a real damper on these outdoor nuptuals. Miraculously, half an hour before the actual outdoor ceremony on a deck overlooking a lake, the sun came out to see the concert and had such a good time, it decided to stay for the whole weekend.
As for me, I came away from the event with a little tan, a kick ass dress, a respect for Love, and the sure knowledge that if I ever get married, I'll be marrying a guy, but I am most definitely having a BIG...FAT....GAY... WEDDING!!!!